Who the #@%£ let the dogs out?!
by Flayme
Summary: A little bit of insanity me and my mate Moi ô¿ô wrote together! Red XIII is on a sugar-high rampage, and it's up to Flayme and Moi ô¿ô to stop him! This fic is brought to you by sweetmeat, the chocolate-covered beef treat. And read and review, peopl


Moi ô¿ô and Flayme are.....well, SOMEWHERE in the FF7 world, Flayme is swinging from a tree branch by her tail, and Moi ô¿ô is eating a bag of sugar and some cookies while jumping up and down. Yuffie's there too.  
Flayme:Hipeople! MeandMoiô¿ôarebothhypeduponsugarandcoffee! Yeeheehee!  
Moi ô¿ô:That'srightflayme! Thisisthefirstficwe'rewritingtogether!  
Flayme:Andwedon'townFFandneverwill!  
Moi ô¿ô:Soyoucan'tsueussquaresoft! Mwahahahaha!  
Yuffie:ARE YOU GONNA GET THIS FIC STARTED ALREADY!?!?!?  
Moi ô¿ô and Flayme glare at Yuffie.  
Flayme:Don'tmakemeroastyourass!  
Moi ô¿ô:Anddon'tmakemegetthepoopingchocobosagain!  
Yuffie:You wouldn't dare....  
Moi ô¿ô whistles and a load of chocobos run up, Flayme's eyes glow red and Ifrit appears.  
Chocobos:WARK!  
Ifrit:Errrr....WOOF!  
Moi ô¿ô:Gogether!!!!  
Flayme:Youtoo! Gogogogogogogogogo!!!!  
Yuffie:YIKES! *pulls the red fic-start lever*  
  
Who the #@%$ let the dogs out?!  
by Moi ô¿ô and Flayme ^_^  
  
  
At Cloud's Condo, all the characters, exept for Red XIII who's asleep on the couch, are looking out of the window, spying on someone..  
Cloud:Well...what do you think?  
Yuffie:I think I need to peepee...  
Cid:I think I want a cigarette...  
Barret:I think I want a beer, foos!  
Tifa:I think..  
Cloud:OK! OK! That joke's not funny anymore...I meant what do you think that those two are talking about? You know, that weird couple?  
Aeris:You mean them? *Points to a giant Sea Bass talking with an Alien*  
Yuffie:Or them? *Points to Zidane talking with Eiko*  
Tifa:Now that's just TOO WEIRD...  
Cloud:I mean THOSE TWO! *He points at a boy and a girl sat on a bench outside*  
Outside, Moi ô¿ô is talking to Flayme, who's on vacation in FF7 land. Flayme's got her usual outfit on, Nike™ trainers, White T-shirt and blue denim shorts. Moi ô¿ô, well, he's just Moi ô¿ô ^_^.  
Flayme:So...if we're going to write a fic together, what should it be about?  
Moi ô¿ô:How about "Man eating pocky"?  
Flayme:Moi ô¿ô, you've done that already..  
Moi ô¿ô:*Thinks* Oh yeah...  
Flayme:Is it just me, or are we being watched...  
They both turn round and see all the characters (exept Red) staring at them.  
Cloud:Moi ô¿ô and Flaaayme sittin in a tree!  
Yuffie:K-I-S-S-I-N-G!  
Tifa:First comes love...  
Cid:Then comes #@%$in marriage..  
Aeris:Then comes Moi ô¿ô with a baby carriage!  
*Moi ô¿ô and Flayme both glare at them*  
Both:WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!!  
Moi ô¿ô:WE ARE NOT IN LOVE!!!  
Flayme:WE'RE DISCUSSING FANFICTION!!!  
Yuffie:Thinking of writing lemons about you two, then?  
All the FF7 characters at the window burst out laughing.  
Moi ô¿ô:NOT FUNNY!!!!  
Flayme:NOW I'M MAD!!!!  
All the FF7 characters duck exept Yuffie.  
Yuffie:Guys? HEY GUYS! Watcha doin?!? I mean, what can a LITTLE KID do to us anyway?  
Flayme:Are you talking to me?  
Moi ô¿ô:Uh-oh...  
Flayme:Are YOU talking to ME?  
Moi ô¿ô:You got her REALLY mad...  
Flayme:ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?!?  
Moi ô¿ô:Now you've done it... *ducks*  
Flayme:I AM NOT A LITTLE KID!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *her eyes glow bright red and she shoots a huge ball of fire straight at Yuffie*  
Yuffie:Oh #@$%...*sweatdrop*  
Cid:*still ducking* Hey! I'm the only one who gets to #@&%in cuss you stoopid #@£$&*%^"?\!!!!!  
The fireball hits Yuffie, and after a gigantic explosion everyone exept Flayme gets up and looks at Yuffie, who is burnt to a crisp  
Yuffie:Bad hair day...coff  
Moi ô¿ô and the FF7 characters all sweatdrop  
Flayme:I like my Yuffie well done....VERY well done...  
Meanwhile, inside, Red XIII, not suprisingly, has woken up after the big bang from the fireball hitting Yuffie.  
Red:Man that was a good nap yawn....how long have I been asleep?  
*He looks at the clock*  
Red:MAY 5TH????? Holy #%&$....I've been asleep for 6 weeks!!! I usually sleep for 10 weeks at the least!!! I guess I forgot to take my sleeping pills..  
Red's stomach growls  
Red:Jeez, I'm starving...I suppose I'd better look in the kitchen..  
Red gets up, leaving a Red XIII-shaped dent in the sofa cushions and heads towards the kitchen.  
Red:OK....let's see...we've got pocky....pocky..pocky..pocky....and even more pocky...DAMN YOU YUFFIE!  
He looks all around the kitchen but all he can find is pocky.  
Red:I HATE POCKY!!! Hey, here's somewhere I haven't checked...  
Red walks up to a safe labelled "Moi ô¿ô's SECRET SUPPLY OF SUGARY SNACKS! KEEP OUT! THAT MEANS YOU, RED!" that has about 10 locks on it and is tied up with chains. There is also a load of laser beams and a moat filled with sulphuric acid, which is surrounded by an elecrtic fence.  
Red:Woah.....that Moi ô¿ô really likes his security...now, how am I supposed to get past it?  
Red looks to his right and sees a red button labelled "DO NOT PRESS!!!!", he presses it and all the chains, lazers, sulphuric acid ect. disappear.  
Red:Well, that was easy...  
Back outside...  
Cloud:.....Woah.  
Moi ô¿ô: Wow, Flayme...I didn't know you had it in ya!  
Flayme:Had what in me?  
Moi ô¿ô:.....Forget it.  
There is suddenly a loud howl from inside.  
Cid:What the &%#@ was THAT?  
Tifa:It sounded like Red XIII!  
They all run inside and see Red lying on the floor, too fat to move, with loads of empty packets of sugar, cookies, candy and other sweet snacks lying next to him.  
Red:OWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! I feel sick!  
Aeris:Poor Red...  
Moi ô¿ô bursts into tears and hugs an empty bag of sugar.  
Moi ô¿ô:NOOOOOO!!!! MY SNACKS!!!!! RED!!!! HOW COULD YOU!?!?!? Alas, poor sweet, sweet sugar....I knew you well....  
Everyone stares a Moi ô¿ô, exept for Flayme who hands him a candy bar.  
Flayme:Here ya go, Moi ô¿ô... ^_~  
Moi ô¿ô:*stops crying and hugs the candy bar* Oh thankyouthankyouthanklyou THANKYOU!!! ^_^  
Red:I don't feel so good....  
Red belches loudly and then goes all wide-eyed and starts twitching.  
Red:ActuallyIfeelgreatdoyoufeelgreatyesIdotoogottagonowbye!!!!!!  
Red runs off laughing.  
Cid:@#&$£%!!!!!  
Tifa:What now?  
Moi ô¿ô:I wuv my candy....^_^  
Red runs in, snatches the candy off Moi ô¿ô and runs off again.  
Moi ô¿ô:THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL! NOBODY GETS BETWEEN Moi ô¿ô AND HIS SWEET SUGARY SNACKS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!!!  
Cloud: Is it just me or is Moi ô¿ô acting nuts?  
All: *slap themselves in the head* Oy!  
Moi ô¿ô: Thats it!! We're going now! *leaves the room to prepare, and drags Flayme with him*  
Meanwhile, Red runs to Midgar, and speaks to the current president......................  
Red: I wanna BUY Midgar!!!!!  
President: And how would you like to pay for that?  
Red: *hands over one of Flayme's credit cards* Here ya go!!  
President: .......Good enough for me..*walks away, and leaves Red to his office*   
Red: Woo-hoo!!!!  
Back at the condo.......  
Moi ô¿ô: *schemes* Ok......let's see....so first we tortch him, then we ice him, then we zap him, and then we make him buy us ice cream?  
Flayme: Exactly!  
Cloud: I like it.  
Tifa: You like everything, Cloud.  
Cloud: I like it.  
Tifa: *blinks*  
Cloud: I like it.  
Tifa: He has good days, and bad........  
Flayme: Riiiiiiight......*gets paged, and dials the number* What?! I was concocting plans! This better be good!  
Credit Card Person: You have reached your credit limit.....in fact you're extremely OVER your limit. I'm going to have to send someone to your location to collect the bill for the purchase of Midgar.  
Flayme: Midgar!?!? I won't pay it!!! *hangs up* Moi ô¿ô?  
Moi ô¿ô: Yeah?  
Flayme: Add an extra tortching to the list!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Right!  
Cloud: I like it.  
Moi ô¿ô: Quiet you broken record!  
Cloud: Quiet you broken record! *falls asleep*  
All Except Cloud: O_o  
Flayme: Well, the first place to start is to buy more candy! If we're gonna do this, we need to be hyped!  
Moi ô¿ô: Woo-hoo! *runs out the door, and comes back 5 seconds later with blue gummi sharks, cinnamon bears, gummi cola bottles, 3 boxes of Mike and Ike, 2 huge jaw breakers, and a needle that he found in a haystack* All the essencials to pep you up! ^_^ Although theres a risk of a severe sugar crash.  
Flayme: Yeah yeah, but it'll be worth it. *stuffs one of the gigantic jawbreakers in her mouth*  
4 Hours Later...............  
Moi ô¿ô: *runs around in circles* Can we go yet?!??  
Flayme: *gets her gatling gun* Yep!  
Moi ô¿ô and Flayme head out to Midgar.............only one problem......  
Flayme: Were lost!??!?  
Moi ô¿ô: Well....not technically.....  
Flayme: Then where are we?  
Moi ô¿ô: *blinks*  
Flayme: I'm waiting.....  
Moi ô¿ô: Were in the ocean!  
Flayme: Where in the ocean?  
Moi ô¿ô: Uhhh.......the middle?  
Flayme: Great........  
Moi ô¿ô: Not to worry! *whips out his trusty straw*  
Flayme: You're not serious...  
Moi ô¿ô: ^_^ I'm always serious! Heh. *starts drinking, and in a few minutes..*  
The ocean has disappeared.  
Flayme: *gawks*  
Moi ô¿ô: Ahhhh! That was refreshing. Now, if we can find the undersea reactor, we can get back to the upper land.  
Flayme: Yahoo! And smack Red into oblivion!! Bwa-hahahahahahaa!  
In Midgar..............  
Red: *yells out the window of the Ex-Shinra building to all the people below* I am your ruler!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!! You will bow before me!!! I order you all to wear socks on your heads!!  
Moi ô¿ô and Flayme make it to Midgar, and walk into the gate.  
Flayme: AHHHH!!! Aeris's church!!! Its.....its.....  
Moi ô¿ô: A petting zoo!!!  
Both: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
They walk to the wall market.  
Flayme: This is terrible!!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Yeah! The Honneybee Inn is gone!   
Flayme: *hits Moi ô¿ô* Stop being hentai!  
Moi ô¿ô: Owww....  
Flayme: I was gonna say that Don Corneo's place is gone!  
Moi ô¿ô: Who's hentai now?  
Flayme: Me? Hentai? Nah! I bought curtains from the Don.  
Moi ô¿ô: Oh.   
They start climbing up the cord to the Ex-Shinra building, and at the top.......  
Moi ô¿ô: Look at the people!!!! *points*  
Flayme: EEK!!!  
They stare wide-eyed at the people, all wearing green spandex, socks on their heads, and doing................Jumping-Jacks!!!  
Moi ô¿ô: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
Flayme: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
Moi ô¿ô: RUN!!!!  
Flayme: Way ahead of ya! *makes a mad dash to the door of the building, and closes it behind her an Moi ô¿ô*  
Moi ô¿ô: O_O Flaaaaaaaayme???   
Flayme: Whaaaaaaaaat? *turns around* O_O  
The Ex-Shinra building has been decorated. It now is covered in lace, pink furniture, and oriental rugs.  
Flayme: What kind of drug is he on!?!?!?  
Moi ô¿ô: Lalalalalalaaaa! *sings along with the Beethoven song in the background* Oh...sorry. Heh. *walks over and pushes the elevator button*  
An algebra teacher comes out.  
Moi ô¿ô: *makes a cross with his fingers* Back!!!! Stay back!!  
Flayme: I'm immune to you! I don't take algebra!!  
Teacher: But he does!!! *whaps Moi ô¿ô on the head with an geometry book, KOs him, and takes him upstairs*  
Flayme: NOOOO!!!!  
On the top floor.............  
Teacher: Here is one of the invaders!  
Red: *looks at Moi ô¿ô* Hahahahaaa! He shall stay here with me!  
The Teacher leaves.  
Moi ô¿ô: Ummm.....whats going on?  
Red: I rule Midgar!!! And you are going to be thrown off the roof!!  
Moi ô¿ô: *blink* But....  
Red: But WHAT!?  
Moi ô¿ô: I.....I have to go to the bath room.....  
Red: O_o;;;; Oh......well, go and get it over with!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Ok! *bolts in a random direction*  
Red: *whisltes as he waits for Moi ô¿ô to return*  
Moi ô¿ô: *steals a Shinra soldier's uniform* This helmet smells.......*walks downstairs*  
Flayme runs right into Moi ô¿ô.  
Flayme: AHH!! A soldier!! Stay back!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Flayme!! We have to stop Red!  
Flayme: He knows my name!! *turns pale* You've scared me enough!! *tortches Moi ô¿ô*  
Moi ô¿ô: *the soldier's uniform falls away in ashes* Oww......  
Flayme: Moi ô¿ô!?!?!? Uhhh....heh....heh...sorry about that. ^_^  
Moi ô¿ô: Its ok, but we have to stop Red!!   
Flayme: Right! *marches upstairs, and confronts Red* RED XIII!!!!!!  
Red: EEK!!! *runs in circles, until Moi ô¿ô trips him*  
Flayme: Its time for revenge!!  
Moi ô¿ô: HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!  
Red: Heeeeeelp.....meeeeeeee.....  
The camera zooms out form an outside view of the tower, as multiple screams are heard.  
Back at the condo, a week later.  
Red: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...................  
Moi ô¿ô: Nice to see that everything's back to normal!  
Flayme: *sits there with an angry look on her face*  
Moi ô¿ô: What?  
Flayme: I wanted to blow up more stuff.......  
Moi ô¿ô: Awwww....here, you can go set Cloud's hair on fire if you want. He thinks its fun.  
Flayme: Woo-hoo!!! *runs out of the room, and a woosh of flames are heard*  
Cloud: Heeeeey! Cool! I'm luminous!  
Tifa: AHHHHH!!! CLOUD!!! Get some water!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cloud: No way! I'm a stud looking like this!  
Flayme: *rolls on the floor, laughing histerically*  
Moi ô¿ô: Now everything's normal.  
  
The scene fades.  
  
THE EN-  
Yuffie: HOLD IT!!  
Moi ô¿ô: Smeg......  
Flayme: Oy...  
Yuffie: I wanna have bigger parts!!!  
Moi ô¿ô and Flayme: Quiet! Or you're gonna be in a lemon with Cid!  
Yuffie: AGGHGH!! You people disgust me!! *runs away*  
Moi ô¿ô: I have plans for her.  
Flayme: Go easy on her Moi ô¿ô.  
Moi ô¿ô: Heheheheheheheheehehhhhh..........  
  
THE END!!!!!!! ^_^ ô¿ô  
  
  



End file.
